I still call it Tupperware

When I buy food storage containers, I buy not for myself, but for my family and friends. That is where they will end up anyway. For the longest time I spent money to get nice containers from Rubbermaid. My family and friends bought the cheap Glad containers. My cabinets are now full of cheap containers and theirs are full of expensive containers.

Who is the fool?

PLX XWave - Brainwave to iPhone Interface

PLX XWave - Brainwave to iPhone Interface

Time to Publish

I know what “The Next Big Thing” is going to be!

Facebook is close but they are not honing in on what the masses really want. People want their own network and a platform that is more refined and simplified than Google Wave; a platform with several layers of participation. Right now you are either private or public and that is not enough.

How many of your “friends” on Facebook would you invite to your wedding, which ones would you have a cocktail with, and which ones are you careful not to say too much to? Wouldn’t it be great to allow a different level of participation for each of these groups?

How about work friends? Do you really want them to see the same post as your closest friends?

Hell no!

The next big thing will be a platform that allows you to do all of these things. I click a button for level 1-5 before I post up. Only the appropriate group will see what I want them to see.

Level 1 - closest friends

Level 2 - general friends

Level 3 - Co-workers

Level 4 - Your City or region only

Level 5 - Everyone on the web

Hey Google…You have my voice number, call me; I can help you.You have all the tools; they are just assembled wrong.

It wasn't convenient

I was running a little low on cash on my way home last night so I dug out a hand full of quarters, dimes and nickels from the stash I keep in the glove box. I wanted a soda and a hotdog.

The gas station was clean giving me the feeling it would be an alright place to shop. To cut the story short...the lady behind the counter grimaced, rolled her eyes and said "don't you have any cash"?

I explained to her the quarters, dimes, and nickels were cash. I picked up my change and walked out.

The loose change was inconvenient to her. The owner of the store surely wanted my money and the profit that came with it.

How do your employees treat your customer when it is inconvenient to smile and be helpful?

No Marketing Budget?

Car salesmen are famous for asking what’s in your budget when you buy a car. Hospitals ask what is in your budget when they want to know about your health insurance. Budgets are important not for what they include but for what they don’t.

My business is primarily online and offline marketing for SMBs. I have chosen this line of work because it is so needed. All of my clients know this or they wouldn’t be my clients.

When I interview a potential client, one of my first questions is “what amount or percentage of sales have you designated to increase sales”. All too often I get a blank stare. When they finally do come up with a number, I ask my second question. “How often can you dedicate that amount to increasing sales”.

Those two questions tell me everything I need to know.

· Is it worth going any further with this meeting?

· Do you look at marketing as an expense or an investment?

· Have you built a marketing budget into your selling price?

If I receive an answer such as: I am big into networking, then they have created more questions for me.

Do you network because you want to keep your operation local? (This is understandable for many businesses like hair salons and insurance companies.)

If the answer is no, I ask: Is it because you love that hour or two away from the office when you can meet people and socialize? (The answer is always yes)

My last question is: Would you still network if your business doubled or tripled?

The answer to the last question tells me their real intent in networking.

Networking has its merits. It is a wonderful institution for anyone who has determined their address on easy street. It is the address where satisfaction has been achieved and dreams are no longer needed.

By setting a marketing budget and investing in your company you will never have to settle for any particular address. You will always be on the move.

Galen

I will tweet and Retweet to my 70,000 followers for $5 at Fiverr.com

galenbennett: I will tweet and Retweet to my 70,000 followers for $5

I was knocked subconscious

I love to watch commercials on TV. I like to read the small print and decipher what isn't obvious. It is subliminal marketing. and I like it. Television commercials as well as movies need props. Maybe it is Budweiser or the books behind the 60 minutes reporter, but there is always something there.

Start having fun when commercials air by seeing the subtle influences in the background.

This post is for people who can't afford a DVR.

Lower Your Expectations

How many of you have lowered your expectations? Everyone I have ever met had huge expectations for their children, but expectations are more of a dream than a belief aren’t they? American newspapers are full of stories about the unemployed who have lost hope and parents who have had all of their hopes dashed when their child becomes addicted to prescription drugs.

At some point in our life and sometimes several times we lower our expectations. It happens in business and our personal lives. It is an unpleasant but necessary coping mechanism for the majority. (Who expects to be a Walmart Greeter?)

I fight everyday not to lower mine, do you?

A Time Saver | Obviously Brilliant

A Time Saver | Obviously Brilliant

They call me Dr.Dookie

I was making my 40^th trip to the toilet after a bout of food poisoning thanks to the three day old Chinese carryout, when it struck me. What if my superpower was the ability to make people poop their pants? I could call myself “Dr. Dookie” and I would rule the world!

When a police officer stops me for speeding I would wait until he was half way to my window and… “BAM” his shorts would fill with “a stinky”. No policeman would take the time to write me a ticket with their pants full of yesterday’s burritos even if I was going 100MPH in a school zone as school let out.

As the Jehovah Witnesses approached my front door…BAM, when a McDonald’s worker gives me French Fries instead of a Quarter Pounder at the drive thru…BAM, If Congress doesn’t get a grip on this economy…BAM. The world would be quaking in their boots.

The Al Qaeda would be too busy squatting on a sand dune to cause any trouble and wars would end because every soldier would be fighting for a seat at the Latrine. I would also target the bankers who screwed America and then asked for bailout. I would make every politician who promised me change when they were running for office, poop their pants when they didn’t keep their campaign promises.

I can just hear it; “Did you shit your pants?”

“Yeah, I gave Dr. Dookie the wrong change.”

OOPS…I could go on and on, but I have to visit the bathroom. Take a minute to think what you would do with this awesome super power.

P.S. I know the Chinese fellow around the corner already has this super power, but it only works on his customers.

Turn your Facebook/Twitter profile picture into a video

This is slick. I have turned my Facebook and Twitter profile picture into a video. You need a plugin to post or see your video. Click here

Just Started Using Picasa

FMT Inc. Industrial Parts Washers, Custom Industrial Parts Cleaning Equipment and Ultrasonic Parts Cleaning

FMT Inc. Industrial Parts Washers, Custom Industrial Parts Cleaning Equipment and Ultrasonic Parts Cleaning

Fake femme fatale shows social network risks - Computerworld

Fake femme fatale shows social network risks - Computerworld

Anyone Can be Famous

I have had more than a few clients who tell me they want fame, fortune and respect. My thoughts are... no you don't. They want to dream about respect, fame and fortune, they don't actually want the notoriety. They sabotage themselves with time mismanagement, low self esteem, and financial misappropriation of their own funds.

I know this because my company Obviously Brilliant helps companies and individuals become well known starting with their own city. I have had to fire more than one client. Their two biggest excuses were "I don't have time" and "I hate my picture being taken".

WTF?

It is OK to dream, but all fame comes with a payment.

galenbennett@gmail.com

You Talk Like a Woman

The title of this book comes from a discussion I was having with my business partner who happens to be a woman and my twin. We were having the discussion after having a meeting with an ATT salesman. The three of us sat around a table to discuss new phones, tethering and alike. Victoria and I are both very observant i.e. what are they saying and who are they saying to.

This particular salesman looked and conversed with me as though Victoria wasn’t there. She is just as qualified to talk tech as I am, but he never found that out. She has as much purchasing power as I do, so why did he direct his sale at me and not the both of us?

There had to be a reason, no salesman would kill his chance at a sale by purposely ignoring 1/3 of the buyers sitting at the table because he was sexist. He wouldn’t keep his job long now would he?

We both came to the conclusion that there had to be more to this behavior than met the eye. This “behavior” had to be investigated for a very important reason. Victoria takes care of sales and I am the technical end of our business. There was a Testicle Tree obstructing our path and we had to figure out how to cut it down.

There are some men that think they are superior to women, but they are the same ones who believe they are superior to those of other races and educational attainments. Everyone knows that they are asses and/or business impotent. The vast majority of businessmen do not realize “why” they respect a man’s judgment more than a woman’s; they only know that they do. It is delegated to the back of their minds so denial can be achieved.

It is biological

Without much research we find that size matters even amongst men. The taller you are the high you will rise in an organization and the more success you will attain. This is a fact that short and average height men must deal with. The primal parts of our brain still look to the largest of our species as better providers and by their stature… leaders. Women don’t have a chance when size matters and it does. It isn’t rational, but a fact none the less.

A new study is underway on pay differential related to the octave of your voice. The baritone’s pay is higher than the tenor and the tenor’s pay was higher than the mezzo-soprano. The amazing part of the study is that when a woman spoke in Contralto (one pitch below mezzo-soprano) their pay increased significantly. Your question is of course why?

Studies of a hunter-gatherer people – the last of its kind in East Africa showed that the higher the women’s voice, the more attractive they were to men. Deeper women’s voices were, in contrast, assessed not emotionally but functionally and isn’t functional what you look for in a business environment?

An illustration of this is Margaret Thatcher. When she first was elected to the House of Commons, her voice was high pitched and spoke quickly. When you watch a tape of her as she was about to become the Prime Minister, her voice was much lower and she spoke much slower. She was assessed not emotionally, but functionally. Another example is Hillary Clinton. Her voice is much higher as the President’s wife than it was when she campaigned for President.

Another illustration is that many a father will lower his voice into almost a growl when scolding his children. The volume isn’t as important as the resonance. Every one of us has our own personality, so does our voice. Each voice mirrors an individual’s character and by attempting to change it can affect how you look at yourself. So for those people who are not so blessed with deep voice and are asking “how can I make my voice deeper?” Here are some helpful tips for you to consider.

Take away stress. Keep away from anything that will cause stress in your daily life. You must learn some relaxation exercises and deep breathing techniques, especially if you can’t avoid being stressed. When you are relaxed your vocal chords produce deeper reverberations inside your chest and a deeper sound of your voice. When you are relaxed you also produce an air of expertise in your conversation.

Before going to bed every night apply a liberal coat of mentholated chest rub across your upper body, sounds odd? You’re probably asking yourself, “Will this make my voice deeper?” Definitely yes, it is done to relax your throat muscles, and for you to breathe easier, this will result in a deeper tone of your voice in the morning. (You might want to wash it off in the morning)

Have a voice exercise. It doesn't just come out of nowhere. Practice singing in the deepest pitch you can manage. You must spend time by yourself and play around with your voice, and see what you can do with it. It is also important to train yourself to speak more slowly while holding your head up and projecting your voice from your chest, in order to allow your voice to travel further with little effort on your part. Aside from that, speaking from the back of your throat is also important.

So for people out there who are asking “is there a way to make my voice deeper?” The answer is definitely positive. It is possible to change your voice; all you need is time patience and perseverance in order to reach your goal.

Women are nurturing by nature. While women have thoughts of family while in the shower, men have thoughts of business responsibilities. Men have the ability to work more hours at their chosen profession than women because women are delegated to make children a higher priority than work. Functionality at the business dictates that those who work longer hours and do not have to leave for secondary priorities like sick children are more valuable and therefore more promotable.

Another reason is God’s Disciples

Women are taught from a very early age that God believes them to be second class citizens, if you are to follow the major male dominated monotheistic religions such as Judaism, Christianity and Islam. These religions have had a profound effect on women's lives and stature. When your child walks into church, who is the leader?

Your daughter is subjected to “Men are in charge and women are helpers” by the model presented at a very important function. Oh wait…so is your son. You were led down this path, so why wouldn’t you lead your children down it.

We are taught that woman was supposedly created as an afterthought from Adam's rib. She creates the original sin. Her role is established in the scriptures as a temptress, whore, foot-washer and domestic servant; she is unclean during menstruation and untouchable until ritual cleansing after childbirth.

This is the indoctrination used on children under the supervised teachings of the church. With these childhood impressions is it any wonder that it spills over into adulthood and business?

Next

Strong women scare men. Men are highly motivated to be seen as strong and to lose to a woman carries a stigma that no man feels he can afford. He will resort to name calling and backstabbing a woman much faster than he would a man. The weakest man will use subterfuge to keep strong women below him off the ladder of success. To lose to a woman is to embarrass one’s self; so men instinctually push a woman’s buttons to get to talk fast and at a high pitch ultimately stealing her credibility. Don’t fall into this trap.

You need a voice coach.

Michael Jackson had a voice coach as do most professional singers. Upper level politicians have voice coaches; even Hitler had a voice coach by the name of Erik Jan Hanussen who taught Hitler how to use his voice and gestures to engage the populous. If great and successful people feel they need a voice coach, wouldn’t it be wise to believe that women might be lacking in the delivery of their message?

Can’t afford a voice coach?

Get a VSA (voice stress analyzer). In both principle and execution VSA is a simple technology. Researchers found that frequencies in the human voice in the 8 to 12 Hz range are sensitive to honesty. When a person is being honest the average sound in that range is generally below 10 Hz, but is usually above 10 Hz in dishonest situations.

All muscles in the body, including the vocal chords, vibrate in the 8 to 12 Hz range. This is considered a feedback loop, similar to a thermostat/heater that will maintain an average temperature by raising the temperature a little above the setting, switch off, and not come back on until the temp is a little below it. Just as the temperature swings up and down over time, so too do the muscles tighten and loosen as they seek to maintain a constant tension. This is known to be caused by the production and release of a chemical, (as explained in the Scientific American Article "Psychological Tremor" Vol. 224, No. 3, 1971).

In moments of stress, like when you tell a lie that you dare not get caught at, the body prepares for fight or flight by increasing the readiness of its muscles to spring into action. The vocal cord vibration increases from the relaxed 8 to 9 Hz, to the stressful 11 to 12 Hz range.

VSA is a simple program which takes digital audio files as input, and outputs new ones with a changing tone in the backgrounds indicating the changing stress levels. Higher tones mean higher stress. It has one control: a threshold setting which determines how high the voice stress frequency must be to trigger the background tone. This program helps you learn to control the stress in your voice.

Speak with an etiquette coach

I met this lady at a small business luncheon. We didn’t really have time to talk, but her area of expertise was in teaching business owners and executives how to be “business effective” through speech, etiquette, and appearance. Her name is ------- Her methods are spectacular. I of course thought that she would have clients lined up around the block, but she didn’t. How could this be?

No one wants to admit that they don’t know how to power dress, or find out they are doing something at lunch that isn’t conducive to attaining respect from others, but we all know we have room for improvement. Do it or struggle, it is up to you.

More

Men are data driven. Data is black and white and comfortable…..except to women. Psychology professor Richard Haier of the University of California, Irvine led the research along with colleagues from the University of New Mexico. Their findings show that in general, men have nearly 6.5 times the amount of gray matter related to general intelligence compared with women, whereas women have nearly 10 times the amount of white matter related to intelligence compared to men.

In human brains, gray matter represents information processing centers, whereas white matter works to network these processing centers.

The results from this study may help explain why men and women excel at different types of tasks, said co-author and neuropsychologist Rex Jung of the University of New Mexico. For example, men tend to do better with tasks requiring more localized processing, such as mathematics, Jung said, while women are better at integrating and assimilating information from distributed gray-matter regions of the brain, which aids language skills.

Scientists find it very interesting that while men and women use two very different activity centers and neurological pathways, men and women perform equally well on broad measures of cognitive ability, such as intelligence tests.

This research also gives insight to why different types of head injuries are more disastrous to one sex or the other. For example, in women 84 percent of gray matter regions and 86 percent of white matter regions involved in intellectual performance were located in the frontal lobes, whereas the percentages of these regions in a man's frontal lobes are 45 percent and zero, respectively. This matches up well with clinical data that shows frontal lobe damage in women to be much more destructive than the same type of damage in men.

Men and women are actually from the same planet, but scientists now have the first strong evidence that the emotional wiring of the sexes is fundamentally different.

An almond-shaped cluster of neurons that processes experiences such as fear and aggression hooks up to contrasting brain functions in men and women at rest, the new research shows.

For men, the cluster "talks with" brain regions that help them respond to sensors for what's going on outside the body, such as the visual cortex and an area that coordinates motor actions.

For women, the cluster communicates with brain regions that help them respond to sensors inside the body, such as the insular cortex and hypothalamus. These areas tune in to and regulate women's hormones, heart rate, blood pressure, digestion and respiration.

"Throughout evolution, women have had to deal with a number of internal stressors, such as childbirth, that men haven't had to experience," said study co-author Larry Cahill of the University of California Irvine. "What is fascinating about this is the brain seems to have evolved to be in tune with those different stressors."

The finding, published in the recent issue of the journal NeuroImage, could help researchers learn more about sex-related differences in anxiety, autism, depression, irritable bowel syndrome, phobias and post-traumatic stress disorder.

Scientists still have to find out if one's sex also affects the wiring of other regions of the brain. It could be that while men and women have basically the same hardware, it's the software instructions and how they are put to use that makes the sexes seem different.

Don't blame your lame smile or lack of an intimidating frown on your upbringing, such behaviors may be hard-wired in your brain.

It isn’t all bad; in 2002; Norway enacted a law requiring that 40 percent of all board members at state-owned and publicly listed companies be women by 2008.

Since then, Spain and the Netherlands have passed similar laws. Now Belgium, Britain, Germany, France and Sweden are considering legislative measures involving female quotas. And although Germany is also debating such a law, Deutsche Telekom, which is based in Bonn, announced last that it would voluntarily introduce a quota aiming to fill 30 percent of upper and middle management jobs with women by the end of 2015.

American companies have almost twice as many women at higher levels of management than is true in Europe. That is fewer than ideal, but the trend is upward and the results achieved without quotas.

American women work in a broader array of jobs and are not as confined to a pink-collar ghetto as European women.

The percentage of American women in the work force is below only Scandinavian levels, American women earn a higher ratio of men’s wages than anywhere outside of Scandinavia, and the percentage of American women who are legislators, senior officials or managers is higher than anywhere in Europe. These figures are not meant as back-patting, but to raise the question: What is the problem quotas would address?

Likewise, many women forsake high-powered business careers in favor of the less tangible rewards of greater flexibility in work schedules; of more time invested in the raising of a family; and of wider opportunities for non-monetary personal development.

Even for many women who do devote their full attention to career issues, many fail adequately to understand how much of the corporate world works. Advancement in the business world frequently is based upon principles most men subconsciously learn as they grow up. It operates in ways emulating team sports and the military chain-of-command. Women who fail to understand the importance of office politics, going through the proper channels, and being able to make decisions quickly put themselves at an automatic disadvantage. Corporate life is a game which is not always fair: for men or women. Being able to take risks without making waves, being a team player who can operate independently when necessary and participating in after-hours activities may not set well with some women, but for the present, the reality of the situation needs to be acknowledged if it is ever to change.

In closing, I would like to say that you can’t fix a problem until you understand it. I could have told you Katie Couric was going to lose viewers when she went to the nightly news. No matter how good a journalist she is, her voice is too high for something so serious, or thought to be. Close your eyes and remember Walter Croncite’s voice, and the voice of Tom Brocaw, then think of Katie Couric’s voice. You now have the answer you have been looking for. Katie Couric’s voice makes men want to sleep with her, Lauren Bacall’s voice makes men want to listen.

Yes, I am a man and the primordial soup in my brain is working just fine.

P.S. When you play checkers do you say “King Me”?

Send your comments to galenbennett@gmail.com

Why Men are More Respected in Business than Women

This book comes from a discussion I was having with my business partner who happens to be a woman and my twin. We were having the discussion after having a meeting with an ATT salesman. The three of us sat around a table to discuss new phones, tethering and alike. Victoria and I are both very observant i.e. what are they saying and who are they saying to.

This particular salesman looked and conversed with me as though Victoria wasn’t there. She is just as qualified to talk tech as I am, but he never found that out. She has as much purchasing power as I do, so why did he direct his sale at me and not the both of us?

There had to be a reason, no salesman would kill his chance at a sale by purposely ignoring 1/3 of the buyers sitting at the table because he was sexist. He wouldn’t keep his job long now would he?

We both came to the conclusion that there had to be more to this behavior than met the eye. This “behavior” had to be investigated for a very important reason. Victoria takes care of sales and I am the technical end of our business. There was a Testicle Tree obstructing our path and we had to figure out how to cut it down.

To read more you can get a copy of my book at obviouslybrilliant.com

Sushi Bandit's Blog O' Rama (2.0)

If true, this is quite sad.

Sushi Bandit's Blog O' Rama (2.0)

The New and Improved 10 Commandments

1. 1 Thou shalt not waste other people’s time.
2. Thou must pay in a timely fashion
3. All businesses shall have a website or a Facebook fan page.
4. Thou must not open foreign emails
5. Thou must not steal colleagues ideas
6. Thou shall not be a false expert
7. Thou shalt not confuse with techno-babble
8. Thou shall keep payday holy
9. Thou shall not educate non-believers
10. You fill in the last commandment

Shoot the Messenger

Too many people get their jollies telling you "what they know... that you don't". Sure they have never started a business. They are entrepre-losers.

There is a thrill to starting a company. If you haven't tried it...Shut the **** up and let me make my first million.

Shameless Self Promotion – with rules

I have decided to get serious with my Linkedin and I want to connect with people who are interested in what is coming next in social media, business trends, and shameless promotion. There are too few voices on the web that contain insight.

If you want to connect I would be happy to connect with you if you’re not going to teabag or complain about the weather. You know where I am going with this. (I hope).

Connect with me here: http://www.linkedin.com/pub/galen-bennett/b/857/373

Or jump on the bandwagon @ http://www.linkedin.com/groups?home=&gid=3166955&trk=anet_ug_hm&goback=.gdr_1277486310112_1

What is a Black Hole Route?

In the world of IP routing, a black hole is also a term with a negative connotation and trust me, no one wants traffic going there unless you are under a DDoS attack..

In its simplest form, a black hole exists on a network when a router directs network traffic to a destination that just “throws away” the traffic. The classic interface used on a Cisco router to do this is the null0 interface. Black hole routes can help you by dropping malicious traffic if you’re under attack, such as in the case of DDoS attacks or worm attacks.

A Cisco IOS router also has an interface called null0. When traffic goes to that interface, the router just discards it. Thus, the null interface on the Cisco router is the “black hole. Read more on Tech Republic. I found it interesting although this is certainly not my area of expertise.

Obesity leads to thin skin.

I was expecting a few of the guys over to the house the following night for poker night. I was to grab snacks and they would bring the beer. It was after all my turn and I like to supply something that make the guys gastric-ly challenged. I do this because drunk guys will “brave up” enough to try anything and it is always funny in a sick sort of way. The last time I made habanera dip. It would cook the skin off of your tongue. The other guys are just as bad. Have you ever had chitlins?

Anyway, I looked around the little carryout and couldn’t find the jar of delectables I wanted. I walk up to the lady behind the counter and said “do you have pig feet?

Well I couldn’t get out of the carryout fast enough. She was screaming at the top of her lungs about how fuc**** rude I was. It was a good thing I had been drinking.

I have never made fun of people (I don’t know) but it didn’t matter, the damage was done.

I’m glad I didn’t ask her if she had “chicken breasts”.

I am Renaming the Internet

I have found that the word internet does not describe the Internet, so I have decided to to refer to the internet as Elphaba. For those of you who do not recognized the name, Elphaba is the first name of the "Wicked Witch of the West". Elphaba works as my new name for the internet because (if you read Wicked) she can be kind and vengeful, the same as the internet.

Elphaba is a regurgitator as I have told my clients. She will regurgitate what every you feed her. If you fed the beast good news about your company, she will regurgitate good news. If you didn't...well, you know.

I like Elphaba and I treat her with respect. How about you?

Here is a New Angle

My hosting is down. I have a resellers program from Hostgator mostly because I have a lot of websites and it is cost effective to do it this way. I even host for a couple of other people.

I will say that Hostgator has always been great.

They shut everything down because it appears to them that I gave them a bogus credit card. The funny part is that I have not given them a credit card. I use paypal.

I have had to change my password because of some weird happenings, but that was minor.

All companies have to be watchful and I am not angry with Hostgator, but I am not happy that this crap takes up valuable time.

Poor People Spend 9% of their Income on Dreams

A recent study found that poor folks - households earning under $13,000 per year - spend about 9% of all their income on lottery tickets.

Who out there didn't suspect this? I am not a buyer of lottery tickets. I won't participate in a game of chance when the odds of winning is greater than the odds of being stuck by lightening. The Consumerist has a great story on states preying on the poor.

Here is a quote:

The study neatly illuminates the sad positive feedback loop of lotteries. The games naturally appeal to poor people, which causes them to spend disproportionate amounts of their income on lotteries, which helps keep them poor, which keeps them buying tickets.

”

Even Atheist Pray... Sometimes

I am an atheist most of the time, mostly when it is convenient, kind of like when most people are religious when it is convenient. Well… I met God yesterday and he is a vengeful God.

It started when I met up with my friends for our annual “get drunk and tell lies” night. We do this the Saturday night before the Indy 500. It is tradition. I didn’t get completely bombed, but I was at the point of drunkenness where I thought every woman had to be in love with me because of my great looks and wonderful sense of humor. Needless to say I went home alone.

Now nothing on this earth is as dangerous as an inebriated man who is all of a sudden is starved out of his mind. I got the pizza flyer out. I had not noticed the jalapeño topping before. It had to be good. Hell, I always sprinkled a few peppers on my tacos. I ordered the large, double cheese, double jalapeño. Now that I think back, I think the guy taking the order was giggling.

I remember cussing the pizza company for their slow service. I had ordered the pizza 3 minutes earlier and it still wasn’t there. After what seemed like an eternity, the door bell rings, I shove $25 into the drivers hand, grabbed the box filled with ambrosia, and was smashing pizza before I hit the couch.

After 4 or 5 pieces and another Budweiser, I became exhausted. I took the long way to the bedroom, 2 steps forward and one step back. I don’t think I dreamed much but I woke up to the sound of a Harley Davidson idling outside my window. As I slowly assessed my hangover, I realized that the rumble I was hearing was my stomach. I knew at that moment I would have to stare death in the face.

I ran to the bathroom with that deer in the headlight look. One hand was firmly planted over my sphincter; I didn’t have a carpet cleaner, so precautions were necessary.

I am not a chemist but I can tell you that some chemical process happen in the body when you mix Jalapeños and Budweiser. The combination of the two turns to acid. Here is the insidious part. The acid doesn’t leave your body all at once. It comes in waves every 12 minutes or so, for hours. I started praying after my 5^th trip to the horror chamber. Dear God, I promise to quit drinking if you just stop this pain. He must have known I was lying because there was no relief. By trip 8 to the toilet, I prayed again. Dear God, I promise to believe in you all of the time if you can stop me from this torture. He knew I was lying, nothing changed.

By trip 12, I was becoming weak. I dared not wipe and dabbing was more painful than most people could have endured. I had thoughts of ice cube suppositories and what it would feel like to sit on an ice cream cone but I was just too weak and walking was painful.

I passed out after trip 15. It was over. I had been beaten. I wanted death to take me.

When I awoke up two hours later, my stomach spasms had subsided. I was going to live. I walked to the refrigerator, pulled out a can of cold beer and sat on the couch. I didn’t need God anymore.

I am not being racist

I stopped over at my mother's house the last couple of Wednesday evenings. She was watching a show called "48 Hours". It is a show that follows real homicide detectives trying to solve murders.

90% of the perps are black or Hispanic and maybe that is realistic in our society. Hell if I know. The part I don't get is that there is no backlash from the African American and Hispanic communities on a show that clearly depicts Blacks and Hispanics as too dumb to ask for an attorney immediately. Tell me what you think.

Intent and the Liar

What is a lie exactly? Is it lie when I make a prediction like...I am going to make $10,000 this month and don't. Did my statement become a lie when I couldn't fulfill my prediction?

Is a lie only a lie if I have the intent to deceive. Kind of like when my girlfriend asks if her butt looks too big and I answer the boys at Louisiana School for the VI would be thrilled with her body. I didn't lie but I didn't tell the truth, so did I lie?

Nobody wants to lie, nobody wants to be completely honest, but mostly no one wants to keep their mouth closed. Am I being cynical?

I Have Bad News

Are you afraid of your picture being taken and posted to the internet? Is the thought of making a video almost unbearable? It is because you are confused.

You think the reflection in the mirror is what you look like to others. You also believe your voice is heard by others as you hear it. You are wrong on both accounts.

You are as the picture shows and your voice and your mannerisms (in the video) is how we actually see you. I am sorry I had to break the news to you. If you look overweight in the picture, you can be pretty sure that you are. I have had to accept that I look my age and my hair is becoming sparse. My mirror has lied to me for years but never the photos.

Connectile Dysfunction?

I suffer from connectile dysfunction and the wind took out my cable last night. It was horrible. I picked up a book and it felt strange in my hands. There wasn't any hyperlinks, tabs, or even a search function. Who would spend their time on such an invention. My cable is back up and now I can function like a normal person.

Mr. Raggles will be a Star

I love good marketing and content that is entertaining. I found an item on ebay that had both of those needed items.It is funny and I hope for someone's sake, it is true.

Click Here to read about Mr. Raggles

Tom is a Bitch

Black PR is becoming a problem. (Black PR is the use of misleading or derogatory statements and pointing them at competitors.) The net allows you to say anything about anyone and with that; websites like unvarnished are coming out of the woodwork. Unvarnished is an online resource for building, managing, and researching professional reputation, using community-contributed, professional reviews. To me this is.... where I anonymously trash competitors.But why would I stop there? I could use Twitter, Google Buzz, and my other social sites. Do you have a contingency plan or will you just ignore the snide remarks?

Your reputation is getting much harder to control. Are you ready?

I just filed a Class Action Lawsuit

Well it isn't a done deal. I need others to join in first.
Join me (Click Here)

I think that it is wrong that I am supposed to check my credit score weekly to ensure that someone didn't half ass their job and put something on my credit report that isn't correct. If I use someone else's information for a profit like Experian, Transunion, and Equifax do, I am expected to verify all information for accuracy. Credit reporting companies like the ones I mentioned above are apparently exempt. They want me to ensure their offshore employees are doing their job correctly. That is BULLSHIT!

How sick are we?

As I was flipping around the channels Monday night, I watched a show called Intervention. Then there was another show called Hoarders. The Intervention show is about drug addicts and alcoholics. The Hoarders show is about mentally ill people who fill their houses with trash and usually have insect and rodent problems.

What I found to be the most disturbing was that the American people are being entertained by the misery of others. The producers of these shows are raking in the dough by exploiting the mentally ill.

Are the truly mentally ill the ones who tune into these shows every week?

Poor Little Sandy Bullock

It is hard to feel sad for someone who walks through a barn full of cattle, barefoot and that is just what Sandra Bullock did. She likes "Bad Boys" just like so many of her American sisters. She marries a guy who can't keep his pants zipped and then is surprised when he can't keep his pants zipped.

Did anyone think that this may just be Sandy's fault. She couldn't keep her man because it appears he doesn't like skin that hasn't been run through an inkjet. Sandy is not a scag and therein lies the problem.

Don't Use Your Cell for Business

30% of American workers are self employed or freelance. It is a wonderful life working when you want and where you want. The downside is that you must constantly keep an eye and an ear open for new opportunities and you can’t shut off your phone Friday at five. The internet doesn’t sleep and many customers don’t believe you should either.

I asked Google for a Voice number. It is the # on all of my business handouts. Actually it is the number I use for everyone except family and friends.

Who gets my email account when I die?

Have you updated your will? I finally got around to it, not that anything major had changed. I’ve known for a long time that I had to specifically include my ‘digital assets” in my last testament. Who did I want reading my emails, my documents, my ideas and the book I started but never finished?

There is no pot of gold in my letters, notes, and emails, but I don’t want there to be a question of whose property they become, and I consider my email and docs personal. I have even thought of letting most of my information die in one of Google’s server farms. I’ve had to think long and hard about my virtual property, Have you?

10 ways you know that your website sucks

1) Your "bounce rate" is 101%.
2) People cook dinner while your site loads.
3) Your copyright says 2007.
4) It only loads in Explorer.
5) Your website was designed by "Flash Jimmy".
6) Your meta description says "I need money"
7) All of your outbound links take customers off-site.
8) Your competitors use your site as a "what not to do".
9) You made your logo from Clipart.
10) Google refuses to put AdWords on your site.

Unprepared for the inevitable

Our world is governed by natural laws. A world without pain would be a world which worked according to special laws, rather than the laws of physics. Good comes out of evil and suffering. Without earthquakes there would be no mountains, without volcanic eruptions there would be no planetary atmospheres.

A good case study is comparing the recent magnitude 8.8 earthquake in Chile, with the magnitude 7.0 quake in Haiti. Because of Haiti's poverty, political struggles, and lack of a building code, the country was brought to its knees. Human fallibility was responsible for much this disaster. Chile on the other hand, spent much more time and money preparing for a quake. The one they endured was 500 times more powerful than the Haiti Earthquake and yet the country came through mostly in one piece.

What is the one common denominator in all disasters?

Unpreparedness for the inevitable.

USA & Britain could have their credit ratings lowered.

The American and UK governments should ask their citizens what happens when your credit rating drops. We could tell them that our loans will cost us substantially more and usually money that we can't afford.

According to Moody’s Investors Service the U.S. and the U.K. have moved “substantially” closer to losing their AAA credit ratings as the cost of servicing their debt rose.

Pierre Cailleteau, managing director of sovereign risk at Moody’s in London, said in a telephone interview that the governments of these two economies must balance bringing down their debt burdens without damaging growth by removing fiscal stimulus too quickly .

Cailleteau said “we expect the situation to further deteriorate in terms of the key ratings metrics before they start stabilizing.” “This story is not going to stop at the end of the year. There is inertia in the deterioration of credit metrics.”

The U.S. could pay about 15 percent of revenue in interest payments. More than the 14 percent limit that would lead to a downgrade to AA.

Public Education is Dead

A teacher asked my niece in a stern voice "Don't you want to know about the clouds?" My niece replied that if she wanted to know about the clouds she would look it up on the Internet. She was right. A good majority of the school children know they can find general knowledge on the net. After learning reading, writing and basic arithmetic, what is the real reason to stay and learn to appreciate literature, or understand why the Founding Fathers felt oppressed?

I was curious for the longest time on why kids were dropping out of school in droves. It was explained to me that they see no value in school after learning the basics. The students who want to go to college of course will stay in school, but sadly the ones who don't will use their smartphone to get through life.

What do you mean you don't use email?

My doctor is great. He takes his time with his patients. My medication for blood pressure needed to be increased. He told me to let him know if I noticed any changes. I told him I would email him if I had a problem. "I don't have email". I know the look on my face was one of awe. "Just give my nurse a call."

So.... I leave a message with the receptionist so she can tell the doctor my message. I have played telephone before and the message was never quite the same as the one I left.

Am I the crazy one thinking an email is more economical and safer?