I was making my 40th trip to the toilet after a bout of food poisoning thanks to the three day old Chinese carryout, when it struck me. What if my superpower was the ability to make people poop their pants? I could call myself “Dr. Dookie” and I would rule the world!
When a police officer stops me for speeding I would wait until he was half way to my window and… “BAM” his shorts would fill with “a stinky”. No policeman would take the time to write me a ticket with their pants full of yesterday’s burritos even if I was going 100MPH in a school zone as school let out.
As the Jehovah Witnesses approached my front door…BAM, when a McDonald’s worker gives me French Fries instead of a Quarter Pounder at the drive thru…BAM, If Congress doesn’t get a grip on this economy…BAM. The world would be quaking in their boots.
The Al Qaeda would be too busy squatting on a sand dune to cause any trouble and wars would end because every soldier would be fighting for a seat at the Latrine. I would also target the bankers who screwed America and then asked for bailout. I would make every politician who promised me change when they were running for office, poop their pants when they didn’t keep their campaign promises.
I can just hear it; “Did you shit your pants?”
“Yeah, I gave Dr. Dookie the wrong change.”
OOPS…I could go on and on, but I have to visit the bathroom. Take a minute to think what you would do with this awesome super power.
P.S. I know the Chinese fellow around the corner already has this super power, but it only works on his customers.
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